Fun at Wonderlab!

We are very fortunate to live in a small city that has a wonderful local Children's Museum called Wonderlab.  It has a bubble room, a two story climbing thing, all sorts of hands on activities, a water table, music instruments, magnets, insects, snakes, and a hundred other things.   We love spending time there!  The kids have so much fun!  I won't comment about how much Dan and I learn when we are there! 

To Infinity and Beyond!

I think this year's Halloween was a great success!  The kids chose Toy Story themed costumes and as you can see, there were no cuter Jessie or Buzz Lightyears in this galaxy!  We walked the neighborhood and enjoyed hunting for houses with lights on indicating they were ready for trick or treaters. (We have a lot of IU retirees in our neighborhood, so there aren't many kids).  The neighbors all thought the kids were so adorable and let them take handfuls of candy since there aren't many kids around.  Dan and I got a big laugh out of the neighbors who declared, "I'm so glad to see you!  Last year I didn't get any trick or treaters!"  We laughed b/c they were always houses that we went to last year.  ;) 

A moment of reflection

After years of dreaming, 12 months of active preparation, and 10 months of taking baby steps, my dream of having a private practice is fulfilled. My practice (Nicki Williamson, MSW, LCSW, LLC) officially began in December 2009 after obtaining a tax ID number. In January 2010, I moved into my little office located in the heart of downtown Bloomington with my second hand desk, lamps and wallhangings from around our house, chairs from Craigslist, and a big smile. I hosted my first parenting workshop and began marketing marketing marketing.

By the end of the month, I welcomed my first client. I hosted some educational seminars and my one client grew to three clients by the end of the second month. I was nervous and excited and hopeful (and scared!). During the next few months, I gained clients here and there from various places. I tried different marketing ideas and learned some worked better than others. I designed my first round of brochures (shaking my head in shame) and then attended a workshop that showed me how I did everything WRONG. I took a deep breath, saved my money and revamped those brochures into something I am now proud to share with others.

I've been working three other jobs in addition to my practice throughout this year. I had to in order to meet the financial obligations we have along with the expenses this new business incurs. During the past two weeks, I was able to let those other jobs go. I now get to spend my energy working at my practice. My full time practice that is picking up referrals from doctors, other therapists, radio ads, online ads, newspaper ads, and most importantly (and difficult!) word of mouth.

This is my first week working at my office full time (which is three days per week). I will still pick up some consulting here and there, but that is now by choice and not by necessity. And it feels like flying. I get to be home on the weekends with my family. I get to be home with my husband and family to eat dinner together most nights and tuck my babies into bed. I get to go to work at a job I love, and help people who need some extra support and guidance.

I'm not writing this to hear any "Good jobs" or "Well dones". I am writing this to remind myself that on this day, I have accomplished what I set out to do. Like many women, I am hardest on myself about not being a good enough wife, mother, worker, or friend. Today, I am going to document that I did it. It took time, determination, passion, and patience. I created what I wanted and am taking a moment to focus on that.

This boy of three

This boy of three actively seeks out adventure and excitement. He is quick to smile which often turns into laughter and goofiness. He is loud, joyful, and animated and loves to sing songs. Especially the silly ones!

This boy of three is head strong and passionate. He can be a real stinker but turns things around quickly when headed down the wrong path. Like his daddy, he is a gentle soul with a sweetness that attracts all kinds of people. He likes to do things his own way, but also loves to be included, especially if it is with the big kids. "I did it!!! I am a big boy, Mommy. I am fwee!!" (as he holds three fingers out, ever so careful to make sure his little thumb holds his pinky finger in place)

This boy of three still loves everything on wheels. He rides his bike so fast it highsides in the corners. I'm not sure if he notices mommy's shaking hands and pounding heart, or daddy's pounding heart and broad smile. But we are there. Watching every move. His 12 inch bike was quickly traded in for something bigger, faster and he hopped on the 16 inch bike as though he was born to ride it. "Wook how fast I am! I am fast wike Wightening McQueen!" Yes baby, you are fast.

This boy of three adores his daddy. He wants to do everything his daddy does and sometimes hangs his head sadly and says "I miss daddy" when he is at work. If Daddy is around, he is definitely chosen to be Jack's partner. He especially loves riding in Daddy's big truck and when Daddy takes him to the construction site to see the big bulldozers or to the Recycling Center "to do the 'cycling". They are great buddies.

This boy of three longs to be with his big sister. He misses her when she is gone to Kindergarten, but is finding his own place now that she is not there to overshadow him. He talks about his own day with his friends and takes pride in wearing his backpack to his preschool like Kate. He looks forward to dropping her off in the mornings and picking her up in the afternoons. The two are inseparable now when they are home together. They happily go on make believe adventures together. They are Jessie and Buzz Lightyear off to save the day. Or they are prince and princess trying to defeat the ever elusive bad guy. They act out scenes from Dora or Max & Ruby and watch movies together. They are the best of friends.

This boy of three also loves his mommy. He is having some difficulty adjusting to Mommy working an extra day each week, but loves the two Mommy-Jack days we get every week. On these days, we run errands, play games, go to the library, watch cartoons, or just hang around home. He loves that Mommy eats lunch with him at his little table and always eats exactly the same lunch he has. In our quiet times together, he holds my hand, snuggles on my lap, and plays with my hair just as he has always done.

This boy of three. He changes so quickly. Yet some things always remain the same. And I am thankful.

The Narrative

As you can see by the pics I posted last week, Kate did great on her first day of Kindergarten! She was nervous, but we had the opportunity to spend a half hour in her classroom by ourselves with her teacher on Monday, which really helped calm her nerves. This was a big relief to me as she had quite a few tears and conversations with us in recent weeks about how she never wants to grow up, she never wants to leave her preschool environment, and didn't want to be a Kindergartener. :(

Thankfully, the morning went off without a hitch...for her anyway. Mommy and Daddy had to deal with dead batteries in the camera, Mommy's car's power steering almost going out completely on the way to school, and forgetting Kate's backpack. :)

She was a little hesitant to introduce herself to her classmates, so I helped with that. She was a little disappointed when she climbed up into the loft and the boys up there didn't talk to her. But then I reminded her that all the kids in her class were in the same preschool class together, so they all knew each other and were happy to be together after a week or so apart. She went and joined some girls who were playing ponies and sat on the edge of their circle. She watched for a few minutes while Mommy and Jack walked around the classroom (and Daddy drove home to get power steering fluid and her backpack!). I glanced over to see how she was doing and she stood up, walked to the center of the group, took a pony out of the pile and started playing along. (Yay!) I checked on her a few minutes later and she smiled at me and said "Mommy! They are letting me play!" (which made me take a HUGE swallow so as not to burst into tears b/c she is so dang sweet.)

Daddy made it back and saved the day. We took pics at her cubby, gave her a hug and kiss, and headed out the door. She ran back to us for "one more hug and kiss" which made me have to wipe my eyes in her hair while I hugged her. I couldn't even speak at that point. I was so excited for her and proud!!! She was so brave and confident. I wish I could bottle it sometimes and take a dose myself.

She loves Kindergarten so much that she doesn't want me picking her up on MWF at 2:30, when the "official" Kindergarten day ends. Instead, she wants to stay with her classmates, play outside, and have fun with "Chris" (the twenty-something man who is there in the afternoons with the kids who dresses crazy and is fun like a barrel full of monkeys. The kids LOVE him!) We are still working on a compromise about this b/c it is hard for Mommy not to have her home with me on MWF afternoons. We'll see. Most importantly, she loves it and is finding her place among new friends!

The big day

You can fill in the blanks.









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Happy Birthday Kate!

Dear Kate,

Today you are FIVE YEARS OLD!!! I don't know what it is about the age of five, but I distinctly remember looking into your wrinkly, pink, bright blue eyed face when you were brand new trying to imagine the little girl you would be at five. It was so hard to picture you growing big enough to fit into newborn clothes that day, nevermind imagine you with a backpack heading off to Kindergarten.

And here it is. I am so excited for you to be this age! You are embarking on a whole new world and I'm certain you will leave a strong and lasting footprint. You are very imaginative and love the world of make-believe. You remind me of my own childhood, as you play for hours in your far off lands with fairies, love stories, danger, and happily ever afters. Daddy and Mommy often hear "just one more minute!" when we call you to dinner, remind you of bathtime, or ask you to leave your secret world.

You continue to amaze me by your love for all things. Everything is precious to you. You don't like parting with friends, family, outgrown clothes, old toys, or dead flowers. Sometimes you tell me that you don't want to grow up, you want your life to remain EXACTLY as it is in that very moment. And while I can't stop the clock, there are plenty of times when I wish I could.

The world is big and can be overwhelming, but it is full of friends, adventure, love, and kindness. Good things will always find you because you are a light in this world.

It's been five years, they've flown by in a hearbeat. One more deep breath and you will be ten. But for now....for now, you are five. Happy Birthday to my baby Kate.

Love,
Mommy

The latest

It has been a BUSY few weeks over here. I began a new job. Just one day per week at the local hospital, where I am a medical social worker. I love it. I love the challenge of every patient and situation being new and unknown. I feel like a detective...wandering the halls of the hospital, trying to figure out where I am going, what the problem is, who is involved, how the heck can it be solved, or at least a step in the direction of being solved. Did I mention our hospital is like a flippin' corn maze? Every floor is different. Every hallway on every floor is different. Some elevators go to some floors. Others do not. Then there is the staff only elevator...don't get me started. Not that elevators matter because I take the stairs which are much faster. My floors include three units on the second floor, one unit on the third floor, and one on the fourth floor. Up, down, up down, all day long. "Where am I? How do I get to...? I love being around people, the patients, the families, other professionals. I come home. absolutely. exhausted. I sleep like a baby on Tuesday nights. It's a big change knowing that I am expected to be somewhere at a particular time, punch a time clock, and get as much work as possible crammed into my eight hours. It's insane. I love it!
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A few weeks ago I was able to take a short trip to Ft. Lauderdale. A college friend had a conference to attend at a beach resort there and she invited me to join her. It meant days by myself lounging poolside, taking naps, reading books, walking the beach while she attended conferences. In the evenings, we had dinner together, shopped, had a few drinks, and laughed and reminisced (?). I left on Sunday morning and arrived back to Indy on Thursday afternoon to big hugs, smiles, and the shouts of "Mommy!" in the airport. I missed them dearly. But the rest I got during my stay was un-flippin'-believable. So, I refuse to complain about being tired at all. At least for awhile.
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Upon my return home, it was time for packing, organizing, and planning for the annual Williamson family camping trip. Dan's family: mother and stepfather, four sisters, their husbands, kids, some of the kids' friends. A lot of people. The heat of July. But lots of fun. My son was a MANIAC on his new-to-him 12" bike. He fell off (high siding in the corners for those motorcycle racing fans) no less than ten times. Each time jumping back up, "I'm all right!". Only once did Mommy have to come running to disentangle limbs from handle bars, spokes of wheels, etc. Still..."I'm all right!" with the world's biggest grin. Only tears followed b/c Mommy INSISTED he park his bike so that MOMMY could friggin' take a breath for a minute without watching her sweet babe hit the concrete/grass/whatever for more than a twenty minute interval. He is his father's son. Enough said. (And yes, Missy Miss L-O-V-E-S camping with all the girly girl cousins!)
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Upon our return home from camping began my marathon work schedule. Training training training at the hospital. Lots of long hours at the practice along with some other jobs I still maintain. A few new clients at the practice lately (HOORAY!). It is still building and I am loving the practice as well. It is my dream come true.
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Had some friends in town on Thursday who stopped in for an overnight with their three boys (9, 6, 3) as they were moving across country. Dan's best friend is in the Marines and is moving back to California. Loved our visit with them. It turned into a large dinner party with some old friends from my husband's home town (who happen to live here also and were friends with his friend who was in town visiting). Had a great visit with them all. My kids were up very late that night.
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The following night there was a break in the heat, so we journied out to the county fair. Had a great time with the kids. Enjoyed a fair dinner of hot dogs, nachos, corn on the cob, and cotton candy. :) Love the fair. The kids enjoyed the big slide with Daddy, the helicopters, the duck pond, the bounce house, and we all rode the ferris wheel together. Kate has recently fallen in love with horses, so loved seeing them up close and petting them. Jack was more hesitant, but he was able to pet a cow later on. Mama's favorite were the quacking ducks and a rooster cock-a-doodle-doo'd just as Jack walked past which gave us all a laugh. My kids were up very late that night.

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Tonight we had a joined birthday party for Kate with two of Kate's besties who also turned five in recent weeks. We rented out a local pool, therefore, the party couldn't start until 7:30pm. Cupcakes, juice boxes, more cupcakes, swimming, swimming, swimming, and sliding sliding sliding at the pool. Oh the fun! My kids loved every minute and would still be there if we would have let them. My kids were up very late this night.

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These are the last days of my girl being four. I am so excited for what lies ahead for her at five. And in a couple of weeks.... Kindergarten!!!! Stay tuned!

The best girl EVER!!!

She may love princess stuff, dress-up, and all things pink and purple, but she also loves to climb trees!

I L-O-V-E that!

The makings of a real man...

Today's faves

A 2.5 year old little boy runs towards his mama as fast as his feet will carry him, with a big grin and a fist full of cars. One falls out of his sweaty little fist and crashes to the wooden floor....

Jack: Whoops-the-daisies!

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A 4.5 year old little girl who is much closer to five than four, sits on her mama's lap engaged in a conversation:

Kate: Mama, do you know Channah MON tana? I met her today.

Mid thirties

Today is my 35th birthday. This is a strange age.

I am not 22, with big naive eyes, staring at the world and trying to imagine myself in ten years when I am grown up.

I am not 27, more comfortable in my grown up skin, yet still feeling unsure of myself and where I want to be.

I am not 30, graduating out of my twenties and wondering why I thought I was grown up before at all.

I am not 33, well into my thirties, no longer looking back at my twenties and wondering where they went.

I am 35. Not old. Not young. Much less naive. Less optimistic about the future, but more comfortable being the present. So many people have entered and exited my life. Some I have surely forgotten, some I probably think about too often.

Thirty five. Not good. Not bad. Not fast. Not slow. There is still so much left to do.

Kid stuff...what else?

Kate likes doing "dot-to-dot" puzzles now. She calls them "Dot-to-dot-to-dots". (It makes me giggle every time)

Jack has this pouty little face/stance he gets now. He folds his arms dramatically in front of his chest, gives a heavy sigh, dips his head, furrows his brow, sticks out his pouty lip, and says.... "I mad with Kate, Mom."

In cartoon newss (really?), Mommy and Daddy's new favorite is "Little Bill". Have you seen it? So cute! We sing the theme song together as a family and all get this head-groove thing going on! ".....Little Bill!...."

Jack loves rocking out on the electric guitar Gma bought him for Christmas. Its just a cheap, plastic guitar with buttons and a few strings, but he loves it (complete with wa-wa bar?). Bonus for parents: It plays "Message in a Bottle" by the Police, "Love Shack" by the B-52's, and "All-star" by Smash Mouth which my kids sing! Jack's fave: "Only sootin' stars... bake da' moooow-wooold"

We had an all day playdate today with our dearest friends' kids. It was awesome!! I knew the big kids (Kate and her 4.5 y.o. friend, Grayson) would do fine. I knew Jack would be fine because we were at home and he was with me, but the "wild card" was the 18 month old. She's as sweet as can be, but you know with an 18 month old being away from her mommy, it can go either way. Plus, it had been a long time since she'd been to my house, nevermind been to my house without her mommy! I knew it was going well when she (Scarlett) came up to me while we were playing in the playroom and suddenly gave me a big ol' smooch on the mouth. Score one for me!!! (And thank you sweet Scarlett!) :)

Big girl = Big times!

Kate is four AND A HALF and seems to be growing more and more every day. Some days I just stare in awe of how far she has come in her little life. I remember when she was between 12-18 months old, I felt like she was growing and changing by the minute. She was saying new words every day, started walking, then running, and grew taller and leaner every week. I have been having that same feeling of late.

She has finally surpassed and maintained the "over 30 pound" mark and is now in a big girl booster seat. She can unbuckle herself and open the back door to get out of the car by herself, which leaves Mommy feeling strangely like I am forgetting something every time we go out. She is asking how to spell everything under the sun and can even read some short, three letter words. I am amazed every time she brings home a school paper that has a complete word written on it or phrase like "I love you, Mommy" scrawled out in her large, recognizable letters. Today, as we walked to her room for nap (an occurrence that is happening about three days per week now), she said "Watch this!" And VOILA! She was skipping. I didn't know she could skip! I was so excited for her and we skipped together laughing at her accomplishment.

She's a master on her bike and loves speeding down the driveway only to slam on her brakes or turn at the last second before crossing "the line". (The imaginary line Mommy draws on the driveway that the kids cannot pass without Mommy or Daddy) She is zipping jackets, fastens buttons, wants to start learning to tie her shoes, and continues working on snaps.

Katie bird had her first girlfriend sleepover this past weekend. She was so excited all week long. All we heard was "how many more sleeps 'til Lily comes?" and "Only one more sleep until Lil comes over!" They enjoyed playing princesses, Polly Pocket, having a dance party, eating spaghetti, watching a Little Mermaid movie, and sleeping on the floor in their princess sleeping bags. It was a big success! I couldn't believe it went so smoothly! I half-expected to have to drive to the west side in the middle of the night lest her little friend missed home too much, or have to intervene among arguing 4 year olds over whose Polly Pocket wore what outfit. But nothing of the sort happened. It was great!

My little girl is growing up. Seriously growing up. She talks of going to school, riding the bus, and marrying her little brother when she grows up. It goes by so fast and while I don't want to turn back the clock, I'd be fine if it wanted to slow down a little. :)

Weekend Highlights

1. Hung out with a girlfriend on Friday night. Talked all night about nothing and everything. That's so therapeutic for me.

2. Saw a client in a nursing home who has deteriorated from a vibrant, active, outdoors-y, stubborn man last year, to a confused, agitated, sad man this year. Damn Alzheimer's.

3. Saw a client in the hospital who yelled at me for no reason. Then proceeded to loudly tell me how to pronounce her name for three minutes. After my evaluation with her, the nurse said, "How did it go?" I said, "Uh...great." She said, "At least she didn't bite you...". Good point.

4. Watched Pocahontus with my favorite girl all snuggled up on the couch.

5. Met and hired a babysitter a friend referred. She was great. As it turns out, she is a friend of my cousin, despite the fact that my cousin lives two hours away. That makes me love the sitter even more!

6. Watched Avatar in 3-D. Made me a little nauseated initially, but after a few minutes I was okay. BEST MOVIE EVER. Yay for date night!!!

7. Went to church with the family. I really like the guest minister who has been filling in...he seems all fire and brimstone, but then, is suprisingly not. I'd heard him speak before and was intimidated by his presentation, but now, I love it. He is surprisingly candid and humble. Every time I hear him speak I am moved to be a better me. Not a perfect me, just a better me.

8. Had a nice family dinner together on Sunday evening.

9. Went grocery shopping which was accomplished in under $100. How did THAT happen?

10. Husband cleaned a bunch in the house without any kind of prompting from me. How did THAT happen? LOL (j/k honey. He cleans up alot)

I know it is a thrilling life we lead!! Some jet off to Vegas, some are half drunk laying on a beach, but weekends like this are fine with me. In fact, I prefer them. :)

In Honor of...

Today, I read my daughter a book about Martin Luther King, Jr. It was geared towards older kids, and I didn't think she'd get much about who he was and what he did for others. But I thought it was very important to talk to her about it anyway. Remember over there... right under her picture, where I noted that she was an "old soul" and made statements and questions that would keep you up at night? Well, here is the conversation we had after the book this afternoon:

Kate: Where is Martin?

Me: He is in Heaven now because he died, remember?

Kate: Why did the bad guy kill Martin?

Me: Well, because he didn't want Martin teaching others to be kind to everyone, no matter what color of skin they have.

Kate: Did he go to Heaven?

Me: Yes, I think so.

Kate: But if he died and went to Heaven, then WHO IS GOING TO BE OUR LEADER now?

Me: (Stunned) You, baby girl. YOU are our leader.

Then I had to explain once again why sometimes when Mommy cries, it is because she is HAPPY, not SAD. My girl...she just gets to the heart of things doesn't she?)

Hearing the call

Watching the news is heartbreaking. I have been conciously staying away from the local, national, and world news. I know that I shouldn't. I know it is burying my head in the sand.

Tens of thousands are dead. Even more are homeless, lost, and entire lives are in shambles. It reminds me of the tsunami not too many years ago. It takes me back to Katrina four and a half years ago. And even further back to 2001 and the day the safe world I thought I lived in (or pretended to live in) ceased existing. The day that I was forced into thinking about realities that I do not want to consider. They are incomprehensible to my brain.

I avoid the news because I cannot fully separate from it. I am immediately pulled into an anxious state where I am the mother of children I cannot find. The mother of children I cannot get to, cannot reach, cannot save. I have no husband to steady me, no house to keep me warm, no way to contact my family to check on their safety. There is a pull I feel inside when these large scale disasters surface. A pull to serve, to help, to leave my safety and security and go towards the center of chaos. I use the excuse of being the mommy to young children not to go, but I know that one day, I will go. It will be my turn to serve in the chaos. To help those I do not know. To connect with those who feel they have no connections left in the world.

Until then, I will do what I can from here. I will try to watch the news, so that I do not lose sight of what is going on in the world. So that I do not keep my head in the sand. I ask that you do the same. Step out of your comfort zone. Do something to help others. Know that others will help you when you need it. Please take the time to donate funds, food, water, supplies, cash, whatever you can. $10 makes a huge difference. Find a way.

The only predictable thing is change

The new year brings lots of changes to our house. I am opening a private practice, which has been a long term goal of mine that I kicked into high gear in 2009. I moved into a new office last week and am ecstatic to have found a quaint little spot in my exact desired location. In a couple of days I am conducting a parent training/workshop as a way of getting my name "out there" in the community. I've sent out announcements to local physicians and schools and have had a good response so far. I'm looking forward to getting my first clients this month.

Dan's job has undergone some major changes in the past six months as well. And while his day to day job has not changed much, we are looking forward to seeing what opportunities 2010 brings him and life in the insurance industry. Changes are certainly on the horizon as there are some ownership issues at work and the new health care bill will certainly bring its own changes to the business.

We cannot believe how much the kids have grown! It seems like at least three nights per week I am commenting on how one of them have outgrown ANOTHER pair of jammies. And shoes, shoes, shoes! I wish there was a way to buy them in bulk in a variety of sizes! They are so sweet and have really kind hearts. They miss each other when apart and are attached at the hip when they are together. When they see each other after being apart, they always run to each other with their arms outstretched to give great big hugs. It is the sweetest thing I have ever witnessed. I know that will change in years to come, and they certainly have their fair share of squabbles, but if the amount of love and loyalty the two of them share could be bottled, well, you know the rest....

Here's to you and your family and hoping 2010 is filled with hope, love, kindness, and happiness!