Yesterday, K and J and I were playing on the floor and K said, "I'm going to give you a big kiss, Mommy!" And she did. Then she went over to J and gave him a big kiss. Then she talked about giving practically everyone we've ever met a big kiss. So I took the opportunity to tell her that it is always okay to give Mommy, Daddy and J a big kiss, but for everyone else, she has to ask them first. THEN, if they say she can, she can give them a SMALL LITTLE kiss ON THE CHEEK OR HAND. She seemed confused by the whole thing. With good reason I suppose.
While shopping at our local discount center today, several people stopped to chat with K, who has graduated to being able to "keep her hand on the cart" instead of riding inside. (Except when she isn't a good listener, then, it's back into cart-prison.) While we were in the travel size stuff aisle, a sweet older lady stopped to coo at J and said hello to K. Kbegan babbling on about the stickers she was holding to this lady, who had no idea what she was talking about.
Later, K took a few minutes to play in the little life-size dollhouse they had in the middle of the toy section while I waited impatiently. An older man saw her in there and peeked at her through the window to make her laugh. She was so enthralled in her discovery, she didn't even see him. Then, I stopped a WW (Walmart worker) to ask where I could find some felt as it wasn't where I thought it would be. While explaining to me where to find it (just one aisle over of course) K practically hugged her legs and started saying something to her about her "new big girl bed".
(Yeah, I am gonna keep going...) THEN while checking out, the same man who tried to say hello to her at the playhouse, walked by and stopped again and asked her if she had fun in the playhouse. She said "yes" and then he kept talking to us. He left after about 30 seconds to have a seat at the waiting area (???) As he walked away I said to the cashier, "So how are you suppose to balance teaching your kids not to trust strangers, but to still be polite?" She just shook her head knowingly and said, "If you figure it out, come back and let me know."
So what the heck? How do you teach a soon-to-be three year old these kinds of boundaries. I don't want to make her scared of people (she is still traumatized by the "spider incident of 2008" which I will write about later), but also am not comfortable with her just talking to anyone and everyone. Also, how do you balance all that when people approach your children every time we go anywhere????
I know several of you must be dealing with the same thing...so clue me in here!!!!
I'm writing this blog to keep friends and family up to speed on what's happening at our house! Also, I hope it will create a nice "memory book"... a reminder of sorts about what life was like when my kids were little. I post updates about my kids, my life, my thoughts, my feelings. Let's face it..life is anything but a piece of cake!
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Kate, K, Katie bird
Loves: Kindergarten, reading, dancing, playing Barbies, everything princess, and making new friends
Dislikes: white milk, big changes in life, having to say goodbye, and onions
Dislikes: white milk, big changes in life, having to say goodbye, and onions
3 comments:
Interestingly we don't get approached by people too often. I think jason and I give off some kind of vibe or something! It's probably the same vibe that kept strangers from touching my belly or asking me many questions while I was pregnant! Not that the 'vibe' is necessarily a good thing!
I'm not really sure how you teach kids about this kind of thing. Lily is still pretty stand offish with new people and tends to cling to our legs if someone is talking to her. Maybe you could try the angle of telling her not to talk to strangers when she's not with you or to ask you first. It may be that she feels an implied consent in certain situations. If you're already talking to the salesperson Kate feels like it's OK for her to talk. Maybe you gave a little smile or nod or something about the guy at the playhouse so she felt comfortable talking with him. Who knows!
Like the cashier said, "When you figure it out come tell me!"
Um, yeah. How about you let me know what you figure out, too. :)
I struggled with this very thing, although I did'nt have a huge problem with it cuz my children were very backward and shy and when people talked to them they hid their faces in my leg or shoulder or boobs..LOL. My best advice is being out there, exposing your child to the big world and she will pick up on how you communicate and respond to people. It's harmless to let Kate respond to oohing and aahing from sweet people who want to talk to her (especially old folk) but she will pick up the vibe (if not immediately, very quickly) if you are not comfortable with someone. She is always watching you and learning. My kids now look at me for assurance when someone speaks to them. I would wait until she is a little older to talk to her about strangers, she's apt to be less confused in her 3's and 4's. I love you!
Kindy
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