Pool Capers

Saturday, June 16, 2007

This is a long one, but I promise if you are a mom or have been a mom of a young toddler, you'll "get it". Do you remember the days in junior high when you were excited and terrified to go to the pool? You finally worked up the courage to go and then had your dream of lounging lazily poolside with your friends dashed by the drama of the mean girls being nasty to you? Well, as it turns out the same is true when you are in your 30's...at least it was for me.

The other day I mustered (?) up the courage to take my soon to be two year old to the pool....by myself....at five months pregnant. I was an anxious mess but finally managed to get her fed a light lunch, saturated her in SPF 50, and had her new bathing suit on; which my sweet princess calls her "baby soup". (How cute is that??) I got my pregnant butt into my maternity swimsuit....which lets just say it...maternity bathing suits are the ONLY time it is okay to wear a suit that has a built in skirt unless you are over the age of 60, but THANK GOD for that little skirt!!! I'm digressing here, but why in the heck would you tease a girl with allowing her to wear a built in skirt gracefully in her maternity suit and then provide NO SUPPORT in the boobage area??? What's up with that???

Back to the point...I get my skirted, floppy boobed, maternity bathing suit wearing, fat butt into the car complete with K and the needed accessories (2 towels, 2 swim diapers, one regular diaper, sunblock, water bottle for me, water bottle for K, snack for K, 3-4 small toys, a camera (!), additional cover up for me, cell phone, wallet, and the friggin' kitchen sink) only to find my sweet princess asleep in the carseat before we make it out of the neighborhood. At least it was a good excuse to sit in the pool parking lot for 30 minutes so that "she could get a decent nap in" before our fun day out at the pool. As it turned out, it gave me additional time to mentally prepare for our upcoming adventure. And as every mother knows, if you get 30 minutes of unscheduled quiet time, YOU TAKE IT!!!

Once we were inside the actual pool fence, we found a cozy spot on the concrete in the shade. No lawn chairs available for a pregnant mother, after all the pool had been open for 25 minutes already! I quickly scan the "baby" pool and count about 2-3 other kids K's age, the rest appear to be under the age of 1 or over the age of six. How annoying. I did notice many small clusters of moms lounging poolside at the water's edge or chatting away in the water. I naively thought to myself, "Well, how fun! I'll meet all kinds of nice moms here and K and I can become regulars!"

I get our towels layed out, K's hat on, take her cover up off and give her a sip of water. She is standing up and I immediately notice that there seems to be a leak because as she gulps down the water, there appears to be water coming from underneath her. Much to my dismay, I realize that the rumors are true and that in fact, swim diapers are NOT absorbant AT ALL and are designed to keep poop out of the water only. Great. So of course, I scramble and try to act like my daughter is NOT standing there PEEING on our towels as I put her swim shoes on and then we head off to the water's edge (after the peeing stopped).

My K is all sweet holding my hand in the very shallow end, uncertain of this gigantic pee-bathtub. I was relieved she was intimidated because so was I. As we both became more comfortable, I tried to catch the eyes of the cluster moms as they smiled politely and commented about how cute K was (I left her glasses on so she could see and because it is also a good ice breaker for me....) None of them would look at me, just kept on with themselves. Okay, no big deal. I think to myself some of the moms are obviously jealous of my license to wear a maternity bathing skirt with grace and style.

So off we go, maneuvering between the "way too old to be in the baby pool" kids in my opinion. My daughter is mesmorized by the big kids' antics and rebukes all of my clever attempts to try and interest her in playing in the shallow end with her measley toys. Instead, she walks around in chest high water as these hoodlums dive, jump, and dunk each other in a flurry of water, noodles, goggles, and calling each other names like "butthead, ass-munch, and dingleberry". Every two year old mother's dream! I was as close as humanly possible to her since the water was so deep and Lord knows I didn't name her "Grace" for a reason. She was happy, but I knew the time was fast approaching where she'd realize these big kids were not interested in playing with her, so between that and the deep water, I was a mess.

Finally, one little girl hands K a duck and says, "Here you go!" I gratefully smiled at the girl and silently thanked God for sending her to rescue me and my little girl from the nightmare we had gotten into. K, happy with the duck, agreed to go to the shallow end and play with it under the rain fountain. Off we go. She is happy as a clam and I am feeling less anxious and make another attempt at befriending a group of pregnant moms sitting in the water near the fountain. I smiled as they commented about K and asked the obligatory "when is your baby due?" to which one real peach stated "August" and then went on talking to her friend with her back to me. Hmmmm...I'm definitely noticing a pattern. Where are these women's children? Why are the snubbing me? Is there a secret club that I am not a member of? Surely not ALL women can be jealous of my license to wear the maternity bathing suit with the built in skirt. After all, these are pregnant women too. They could wear the skirt kind if they wanted.

I turn away, wounded, and feeling like an inadequate mom and woman. In the meantime, K is again mesmerized by the big kids as they have a way too large beach ball they are tossing around that comes into the fountain. Of course, she is TWO YEARS OLD so says "ball, ball, ball" and goes for it. I quickly catch it and tell her "No, honey. This is their ball, we can't play with it right now." To which she responds louder "BALL! BALL! BALL!! MY TURN MY TURN!!" I toss the ball to the big kids and try to get her back into the pretty rain fountain. No go. Off she goes to chase the kids with the ball, clutching her duck for dear life. I am panicking as I am going to have to get her into something else quickly or else a complete meltdown is coming as she thinks that (as we practice at home all the time now) in a minute it will be "her turn" with the enormous ball. Suddenly, a mom with a girl about 4 in hand approaches us smiling warmly. I think "Finally! A friendly mom who is coming to talk and K will be distracted by her daughter!" As it turns out, it is this little girl's duck that K has befriended and she wants it back. OMG. So I have to have K hand over her new best friend as well as explain why in the world it is not "her turn" with the ball. I watch as the woman and daughter turn and walk back to the other side of the pool, where the little girl promptly lets the duck float away again. I was sooo mad. K is screaming....she has endured way too much...I am on the verge of tears and I take her screaming and flailing out of the pool.

We head over to the concession stand area where I saw a sign indicating free sunscreen and figure she is due for another layer since surely we have been there for SIX HOURS by now. The lotion distraction didn't work and instead, she became mesmerized by the water again. Back to the pool we go and I get her involved in the water dam which she enjoys for about...oh, 20 seconds. She sees a bucket floating by and I nervously look to a dad and his daughter and ask "Is this your bucket?" That dad replies, "No, the toys in the baby pool are for everyone." Ha! I think to myself, "SUCKER!" Nevermind, because we had brought one of K's buckets and she certainly wasn't interested in any body else's bucket or her own. We make another lap around the pool instead. K stumbles amid all the waves of the big kids, and manages to go under before I can grab her. Granted, it's less than a mili-second that her face is in the water, but we all know the bathtub horror stories and they flash before me as I pick her up and make sure she is okay. Talk about anxiety.

I am completely exhausted and emotional and try and talk K into having a snack on our pee-soaked towels on the concrete. She refuses (but of course!) and goes into a full blown cry fest. I am DONE at this point and am quickly picking up the towels, snack, water bottles, sunscreen, toys, and kitchen sink and throw them into the bag. I have to literally hold K back as she is trying to get back to the water, crying "Water! Water! Water!" So yes, now we are leaving...my child crying as we leave the "baby" pool that is apparently for mean, lazy moms who don't want to watch their kids in the big pool, and head out to the parking lot. She stops crying by the time we are out of the gate, but my tears are just beginning to fall. Thank the Lord for sunglasses. Our fun afternoon turned into six hours of hell...well it felt like six hours. In fact, it was only about 20 minutes.

This was a looooong story, I know. Maybe not necessary for you, but definitely necessary for me. My summer dream of hanging out poolside with my sweet girl in her "baby soup" is over. I will not go back unless Daddy is with us...a sure sign of defeat, but I just cannot handle the loneliness and rejection. It reminds me too much of junior high. My experience leads me to the following questions:

When did women become so mean????
Why do they let any child over the age of 5 in a baby pool?
Why do they let kids bring any toys in, only to get confused among the "communal" toys and to confuse toddlers?
Why are there no other 2 year olds at the baby pool...well NOW I KNOW WHY!!!!
When did women become so mean????

Feel free to share your pool stories and others with me. It is a tough and lonely world out there, ladies! And apparently there isn't room in the pool for everyone!!! :)